WHO BIRTHS THE BABY?

I think one of the funniest new terms that I’ve heard in the last few years – and first heard by me a few years ago when my daughter announced her first pregnancy – is the saying, “We’re pregnant.” I assumed then that this was something this generation’s “baby handbook” was saying to the young people today.

Since I still hear it today, I suppose the term is here to stay. But I’m sorry, I can’t help but hee-haw when I hear “We are pregnant!” I’m probably being way too literal when I say that when the male has an unborn child within his body and stands beside his pregnant wife, it will then be appropriate for them to say, “We are pregnant.” But until then…

I imagine the idea of this phrase is to help slide the feeling of fatherhood onto the sometimes- hapless male. And some men may need this kind of connection. I recently read a memoir of Sandra Day O’Connor’s childhood on a big beef ranch in the Southwest. Her father was out of state testifying in a court case at the time of Sandra’s birth and was only able to come home for a single day to see his wife and first child. In a letter he wrote back to his wife, Sandra quotes, “Though I cannot say that I feel any great parental love for Sandra yet, I would like to see her and touch her again.” I think quite possibly her father could have used a dose of the “We are pregnant” theory.

Nevertheless, I continue to be surprised about how in such short periods of time so much can change in the thinking about pregnancy, birthing and parenting. I think maybe the Lamaze thing was kind of a Pandora’s box that opened the door to so much more than just carrying a baby to term, going into labor, delivering the baby and integrating that baby into the family circle. My generation did it the old fashioned way: I got pregnant, carried and delivered the baby and my husband became a father at the same time I became a mother, all without him ever being pregnant. Apparently today that is not possible.

I heard the other day about a man who had certifiable morning sickness during his wife’s pregnancy. I think this is more like a sibling acting out because of a slight case of jealousy over the new baby. Or maybe it just illustrates a slight neediness on father-to-be’s part.

At any rate, in trying to be a good mother and mother-in-law I keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. In private, though, I laugh and shake my head a lot. Such a time we live in!