TOO EARLY THE NEWS, MAN!

Sometimes a person picks the perfect gift. It's hard to do under most any circumstances, but when you are faced with giving a gift to an older person who has everything, well, what's a poor kid to do?

My daughter was faced with just that scenario when she set out to find something that Jerry would like/use/enjoy for a Christmas present some years ago. She wandered around Brookstone - and came up with the above, a shower radio. Wrapped and delivered under the tree, it sat amid the usual socks, boxers, handkerchiefs and golf balls that undoubtedly were there too.

Without going into great detail, I will tell you that the gift was absolutely perfect. This man has turned it on at 5 a.m. as he steps into the shower every morning for the past 10 years. No gift has proved more suitable than this one.

Now, to him it was the perfect gift. But of course in his dotage he is getting a trifle hard of hearing so he has to up the volume a bit. Then when the water is turned on, with the noise of the water hitting the shower curtain he has to up the volume a little more. At this point I have to listen to the 5 a.m. news from my bed, through two closed doors and even with my head under the covers. I do not like to hear news at 5 a.m. but it is there for me to listen to.

We have a new neighbor whose bathroom backs up against ours. Although she hasn't complained (yet), I suspect she hears the 5 a.m. news too. When I see her, even though I am curious as to the acuity of her hearing, I maintain kind of a "don't ask, don't know" attitude. I'd like to say to her, "Beverly, do you hear Jerry's shower radio blaring in your bathroom at 5 a.m. every morning?" But I do not want to be the one to tell Jerry that he might want to turn down the volume on his radio at that ungodly hour of the morning, that his neighbor can hear every word that is spoken." I know he would say it is his bathroom and his shower and his radio and etc." So I don't ask.

Although I haven't done this yet, I have considered going outside in front of our apartment at 5 a.m. to see if I can hear the 5 a.m. news blaring from the bathroom vent on our roof. If I can hear birds sing when I am in the bathroom, I don't know why it wouldn't work the other way around. But crawling out of a warm bed and into the darkness outside is worse than hearing the news from my warm bed.

I don't begrudge Jerry his early morning satisfaction. I do not believe he actually hears the news, as the overhead fan and the shower noise really makes it well nigh impossible to hear anything in toto. But I do know that Jerry likes background noise - the noise of the tv on whether he is watching it or not, the car radio always going - and while it isn't my cup of tea (I prefer stony silence, actually) I truly am happy that he has enjoyed this Christmas gift so much over the last few years.

Should it break, I would be the first to run down to the store to buy a new one for him. I believe its presence insures that he is always neat and clean, good-smelling and happy. What wife would want to ditch an appliance that has such a powerful effect on her husband?

And if you don't see Jerry's picture below, you will know as proof-reader he has corrected a major problem!