IT'S CLINICAL - or - QUICK HENRY, THE FLIT!

Surely everyone remembers that catchy phrase, “Quick Henry, the Flit!” and if Henry did as his wife stated, the mosquito didn’t stand a chance.

Well, this blog is not about “Flit.” But in reading a story yesterday morning in the newspaper, the old phrase came to mind and I just couldn’t help but hee-haw about it. I need to alert readers that if they are sensitive to things sexual, they probably should turn back now. Otherwise, keep on reading.

The findings of a 300-man study is being given Tuesday at the Chicago Meeting of the American Urological Association and the results of this study show that a new anesthetic developed by a London company, Plethora Solutions Ltd., will make a sad group of men very, very happy. Well, this is my interpretation of the efficacy of their product, but I think you’ll see what I mean in a minute.

The article states that one of the most common sexual problems of men, striking about 1 in every 3 is premature ejaculation. This is even a higher percentage than that of erectile dysfunction, which is 1 in every 4. According to the article, a new topical anesthetic by another company, a cream called EMLA that is used to numb one’s organ thus prolonging ejaculation is in the works, but its drawback is that it takes about 45 minutes to work. Complicating the matter is that the man must wear a condom or the cream will be transferred to his partner and cause her to go numb and miss out on the whole thing!

So the Plethora folks have developed an anesthetic spray that once sprayed on the end of the penis is absorbed quickly and goes to work in mere minutes. In their most recent efficacy trial, the company recruited the 300 men in Northern Ireland who had documented histories of prematurity and who were in monogamous relationships. Two-third used the spray and one-third used a placebo.

Now all this I find very clinical. But here is what made me burst out laughing: “The men were instructed to spray it on five minutes before intercourse, and then document the time from penetration to ejaculation with a stopwatch.” Here’s where the “Quick, Henry, the Flit” comes in. The image of 300 men holding spray cans and stopwatches is what really makes me laugh. Oh, how I wish I could draw that scene for use in my blog.

But since this topic needs to stay clinical, I must report that like in all good trials, the participants fill out detailed questionnaires about their experiences and their sexual satisfaction, and the results indicated a “go.” Apparently the spray satisfied everyone, and with FDA approval it will go on the market with a cost less than Viagra and the other erectile-dysfunction drugs.

If I read the article correctly, the name of the spray will be Tempe. (How do you think that will sit with Tempe, Arizona?)

I would think it would be called simply “Plethora” – and if you wonder why, look up the word in any good dictionary and you’ll discover it means more than just an excess. And this makes this whole thing much more interesting clinically, and exceptionally funny, I think.

And apologies to anyone who doesn’t find this a laughing matter.