THIS IS "MY PROPERTY"

I can just see it now -- all of you rolling your eyes, wondering what on earth this old woman is doing!

In spite of the fact that I'm not looking totally gleeful, inside I am just happy as a clam to be able to show you "my property" - the only bit of real estate I have ever personally owned. That it's in a cemetery is really irrelevant. It only took me about 30 years to finally pick it out, so of course I am gleeful about it. And believe it or not, Jerry is gleeful too.

In 1975 when Jerry and I started talking about marriage, we made sure we had talked out certain things. I told Jerry that a Christmas tree was very important to me, not for religious reasons but because I totally loved them and couldn't envision life without a decorated Christmas tree in December. I could understand that as Jew he might not want to have one in his house. I needed to know ahead of time so I could weigh that into the marriage consideration.

From his perspective, he had only one request of me, and that was that I take care of my "final arrangements" before too much time passed. He had experienced having to go through all this after the passing of his first wife and he found it a very onerous chore. He made his own arrangments at the same time and he wanted to be sure he never, ever, had to go through such a thing again. I understood.

Those being our only major points of discussion, he was ok with a tree and I was ok with making my arrangements. We married on August 1, 1975.

We have had a Christmas tree every year since then. It took me until 2005 to find a suitable burial place. It wasn't that I didn't try. I just wanted to be buried in a cemetery where I could have a nice upright tombstone. As a genealogist I wanted to be sure the stone was big enough so I could put all my names on it: Here lies Barbara "Bobby" Gail Dobbins Kirkpatrick Title. Anyone a hundred years from now looking for me would surely be able to know that this is where I was buried! The stickler was that cemeteries in our part of the state do not allow upright headstones. So over the years I considered being buried in Colorado Springs where the beauty of cemeteries is considered more important than easy quick lawn-mowing. But who would think to look for me there, I wondered? Anyway, Jerry knew that I wasn't just stalling; he didn't even bug me about it. He figured I'd promised and that I would produce....sometime!

When my Aunt Marie died in 2001 she was cremated and her daughters had her ashes placed in a cemetery rose garden. I had not previously considered cremation, but she had such a lovely resting place I decided to go to the cemetery adjacent to where we were then living and see what I could see. I went over to Montecito Memorial Park, checked out their ash garden, and decided right then that this was the place. Jer and I went over, made the arrangments, and my part of the bargain finally got done.

Recently we were at Montecito for a friend's funeral and I told Jerry I wanted a photo of me showing the very lovely place where I will finally be placed. The area is a tiny 4x6 inch spot where the ash container will fit and where my name will go on a little bronze plaque. (I did make sure all my names will fit on the plaque!) To my surprise and delight, I found the properties on either side of mine have already been used. There will be a man on either side of me! (That is why I am not grinning in the photo; I didn't want to seem eager!)

You can see in the photo how pretty the area is. A stream of water meanders by, it is always shady, and because it is at the end of a canyon, there are lots of little critters and birds that come down for a drink now and then. But you also can see that I'm not ready to use it yet. Whenever I go to San Bernardino or Loma Linda I always swing by and take a look at "my property." I know some people think cemeteries are awfully ghoulish, but I'm quite pleased with myself for finding such a pleasant setting. And Jerry, after 35 years, can finally breathe easier! I finally fulfilled my part of the bargain.