I knew Jerry for several years before we began dating, because we worked at the same company. After his wife died of breast cancer and in due time, we began dating. And in due time we started talking marriage. The only thing we needed to explore was whether we could come to an understanding about our religious obligations. I knew Jerry was Jewish but didn’t know how religious he was. (He wasn’t). He knew I had a Christian background but didn’t have a clue as to my practices. (I no longer had any). This we had to learn.
Yet I had two minor concerns: 1) would his family accept me, and 2) would he allow us to have a Christmas tree in our house? The answers turned out to be yes, and yes.
Probably the biggest surprise I had was in learning that his family’s practice of Judaism was least of all a religious thing. His involvement in the Jewish community was purely cultural and social. His family observed some traditions but not any that would particularly inconvenience them. His mom once said to me, ‘I don’t eat bacon, but that is not because I am Jewish but because that is the way I was raised.” I could hardly believe my ears and I’m sure I had trouble keeping my mouth from dropping open. I think that was the beginning of my understanding that all Judaism isn't as I understood it to be.
In the course of attending my first Seder at his local Reform temple, I learned that the whole event was what I would call a liturgical rendering – everything was read from a book, and nothing was spontaneous. There were lots of scriptures from the Old Testament read from a book that was not the Bible. And in the middle of the service the rabbi said, “We’re going to skip much of this because otherwise it will take too long.” Again, my mind was boggled at what I considered a rather cavalier reason for cutting chunks out of the proscribed service
Afterwards, I mentioned to Jerry that I was surprised there were so many passages read from the bible. He looked at me quizzically and said, “There were?” He did not know that the majority of the readings came right out of the Psalms. It wasn’t really until after I took an Introduction to Judaism class at a local Reform temple that I finally came to understand that because of my religious background, I simply knew a whole lot more about “religious” things than Jerry did. He attended classes with me and we both learned a lot about his religion. I came to understand that not all branches of Jewish practice - Orthodox, Conservative and Reform - use the same outward practices.
The reason I bring all this up is that I keep being surprised at what I learn about Reform Judaism. An article in recent newspaper tells about the latest movement burgeoning among 20- and 30-something Jews from New York to Los Angeles and beyond. Referred to as Hipster Jews, the article refers to “all-night multimedia celebrations of Jewish holidays; [they] fill nightclubs where Jewish storytellers are the headlining act; start magazines, journals and Websites – all while wearing a wide array of irreverent clothing. Among the edgier items is a bra made out of yarmulkes.” Needless to say, traditional Jewish leaders who for years have been wringing their hands over declining religious observance among young people and rising intermarriage rates consider this a superficial fad. But the young thinkers think the old folks should look beneath the kitsch and there they will find a religion being kept alive by creating a modern-day Jewish experience. They also believe such identification will cause an upswing in Jewish identity and Jewish marriages.
I was much more shocked at what I read than Jerry was. I guess I am still thinking that the Jewish “religion” should be as sacred as a traditional gentile “religion,” and though at an intellectual level I understand that for the most part the Reform movement is NOT a very observant form of the spiritual side of Judaism, part of me still wonders why not.
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