Tuesday, March 24, 2009

LAST OF THE BIG SPENDERS



I've been watching on TV and hearing on the radio about the young wife back east who has filed for divorce and has asked $53,000 per week in alimony. She indicates she’s cutting corners at that cost but that she’ll agree to it to get the matter settled.

For us peons out here, we can’t imagine what $53,000 a week would feel like. I’ve never even felt what $53,000 a year felt like. Nevertheless, since I do expect my boat to come in one of these days, I began ruminating about how I would spend my big bucks

Of course I would have to pay all my taxes, and for this “let’s pretend” I’ll just say that of course I would help my kids and grandkids. And I have some charities I’m particularly fond of and would like to help them out. But for the portion I would have to play with here’s what I would do.

First off, I’d get a cleaning lady to clean my apartment. It wouldn’t take her long since it is small, but it would surely be a blessing to me, because any more my poor knees and back are very difficult to make housecleaning easy to do. Along with this lady I’d get someone who would do a weekly wash and ironing for me. Of all the chores that I have to do, taking dirty clothes to a laundromat ranks up there higher than any of the others. I didn’t mind doing laundry when I owned my own equipment, but this laundromat business is for the birds.

Next, I would eat out every lunch and dinner. I wouldn’t mind doing the breakfast myself, because it is only toast and coffee, but eating out would solve a host of problems and there would be less dishes for me to wash.

I’d replace our cars, both of which have substantially over 120,000 miles on them and are almost relics. I see myself in a snazzy sports car. But I learned some time ago that my back doesn’t like cars where I have to drop myself into a bucket seat, so I think probably I’d buy whatever kind of car I can find that has a bench seat in front. My former car, a 1989 Olds Cutlass Supreme, had a bench seat and it gave my back such good support that I was loathe to get rid of it. But after we’d put a couple thousand dollars in on it and the problem still hadn’t been located, much less fixed, we decided not to throw good money after bad. We donated it to The Salvation Army. I hope its new owner fixed it and loved it as much as I did. The car that replaced it, a 1992 Buick, was given to us and we don’t look gift horses in the mouth, but it is not a comfortable car to be in. It has a bucket seat!

I definitely would by a new computer and load it with everything I want. I’d put a PowerPoint program on it and then hire someone, probably one of the Geek Squad out of Best Buy to come in and give me lessons on how to use it.

For a long range plan, I would buy us a Whoopie Goldberg motor home and hire a driver to take Jerry and me all over the United States where my families have lived, so I could do on-site research and walk over the land where they lived. I’d go to every cemetery where a family member is buried and pay my respects by photographing their headstones. (Jerry would just love this, I know.)

I think I’d still have plenty of money left after the first week, so I’d probably buy a few more clothes and some shoes. I hate shopping and tend not to buy until there is an emergency – either a place that requires dressy attire or the clothes in my closet getting so raggedy that I’m starting to be embarrassed about them. So I might hire myself a personal shopper for a short period of time to get my wardrobe back up to where it should be. Frankly, I’m at my most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, but I’m sure there will be a time when an almost-74 year old lady starts looking ridiculous in them. I should remind my kids that I want them to tell me when that time comes!

Let me see…… do I have any more “I wish I had…?” Off hand I don’t think of any. Actually, with a roof over our heads, good mattresses to sleep on, enough money to keep food in the pot and a darling kitty to keep us company, what more could two old people want? Well, $53,000 would be hard to turn down!

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