AOL AND THE GOOD LIFE

One of life's truisms is that AOL has increasingly oriented itself to teenagers and younger people. Much of what is offered by AOL other than a connection to the Internet is of almost no importance to thinking adults. But every once in a while I break down and read something (rarely celebrity gossip) that hopefully might be of interest to someone long past her teenage years. Yesterday was an example. And what I read struck me exceptionally funny.

The subject was basically HOW TO LIVE THE GOOD LIFE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD-LIFE INCOME! Here was what AOL suggested, and my comments.

1. Learn to prepare eggs in some fancy way; let the sunny-side ups be replaced by Eggs Benedict or Eggs Florentine. OK, I have no problem with that.

2. Go running in a fancy, high-class neighborhood. I think probably that would call for some designer clothing as well, so as to make it seem as if you are running in your own neighborhood; otherwise the cops might be called on you.

3. Dress up and go to a chic hotel bar. Order a club soda with lime; if you look right, someone may order you a real drink! Imagine.

4. Wear fancy underwear. Definitely not utility underwear.

5. Go to openings at local art galleries; most serve wine and cheese. And don't make smart cracks about what is passing for art while you eat the freebies.

6. Buy a nice fountain pen to use instead of a ball point pen. What? And go back to bottles of ink?

7. Buy some pictures from thrift shops and use the vintage frames to reframe your own photos or artwork. Before the shops open you will have to go around to the back door and join all the antique dealers who are waiting to get in first to buy up the good stuff before the "riff-raff" come in the front door. (This is true. They do this.)

8. Wear good fake jewelry. But you still have to have a good eye for jewelry to know which kind of fake is good and which isn't!

9. Replace the doorknobs on your house with fancy new ones. You think THAT will make me feel richer?

10. Buy a new hairbrush at a cheap price from the 99Cent Only store. If the bristles don't stay in very well, you can always use it on the dog, because he or she doesn't much care.

11. Learn how to wrap a bottle of wine in a napkin to pour it the way fine restaurants do. That'll be the day.

12. If you travel tourist class on a plane, buy a special air-filled seat cushion which alternates pressure from the left side of your behind to the right side, back and forth in 3-minute intervals, so you will not have to squirm in your seat. This thing only sells for $255.00 but you could probably recoup your investment if you loaned it out to other passengers!

13. Arrange your bookshelves by color. And then accept the challenge of finding a book when you want it!

Am I likely to do any of these things to see what the good life feels like? AOL wants to know.